Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
