He passed out mid-signature
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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