I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
