Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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