Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
