ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
