my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize