It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's blow job season.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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