guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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