this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
