never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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