You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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