nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
too bad you live with your parents still
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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