i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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