i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
