somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
