you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
