After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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