Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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