that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
