thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
