My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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