I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
