I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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