Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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