Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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