dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
