i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
