you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Randomize
