The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
