Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
