It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish they made helmets for livers.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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