We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
