How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
