Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
