Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
