hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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