So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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