how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
