we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize