she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
