girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pants are for mortals
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
