D3 body, D1 cock
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Michael Bay diarrhea
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
