Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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