Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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