are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
