woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
