About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
