Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No subtext here. People are naked.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
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I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
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Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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