Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
