no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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