My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
