His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
