I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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