the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
