New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
