The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
