Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
