I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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