i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
