C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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