can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
