I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
