We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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