On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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