Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
