I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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